Comments (0) A woman stopped by at her recently married son’s house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room. Continue reading 'The Love Dress'»
I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons: Continue reading 'Penis demands a raise'»
One day a man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn’t see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out.
The genie said, “For your kindness I will grant you a wish, but only one.”
The man thought for a minute and said, “I have always wanted to visit Hawaii but have never been able to because I’m afraid of flying and ships make me seasick. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii.”
The genie thought for a minute and said, “No, I don’t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved: the pilings needed to hold up the highway, how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask.”
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, “Well, there is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand my girlfriend. What makes her laugh and cry, why is she temperamental, why is she so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes her tick?”
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, “So, do you want two lanes or four?”
One day Cheney, George Bush and Laura Bush were in a private jet going to France.
Then, George Bush said, ” If i throw this hundred dollar bill off this jet I’ll make one person happy!”
Then Cheney said, ” Man if i throw ten, ten dollar bills down, I’ll make ten people happy!”
Then Laura Bush said, ” If I throw one hundred one dollar bills off this jet I’ll make a hundred people happy.”
Then the pilot said, ” Man, if I throw these 3 losers outta this jet, I’ll make six billion people happy.”
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. Continue reading 'Don’t argue with kids'»
A soldier ran up to a nun. Out of breath he asked, ‘Please, may I hide under your skirt. I’ll explain later.’ Continue reading 'The Soldier and the Nun'»
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sensual massage.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of “Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip…”
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
Continue reading '101 ways to annoy people'»
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Continue reading 'A really bad day'»
|
1. Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence (a life sentence).
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind. 3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her masters. 4. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering. Continue reading 'What is marriage?'» |
A sexy woman went to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately. She then seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
‘Are you the manager?’ she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
‘Actually, no,’ he replied.
‘Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,’ she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
‘I’m afraid I can’t,’ breathed the bartender. ‘Is there anything I can do?’
‘Yes. I need for you to give him a message,’ she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth allowing him to suck them gently.
‘What should I tell him?’ the bartender managed to say.
She whispered, ‘Tell him there’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.’
Panorama Theme by 
Themocracy
