Jokes - 18/01
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The man said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped." The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in." You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary’s and put $50 in the poor box." The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn’t put any money in the poor box!" The man replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that’s the same as putting it in!"
An engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjammed it. People can get from one spot to another more easily. The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixed the connection to the satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high definition channels. One day, God decides to look down on hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the devil what is going on? The devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer." "What?? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute!" The Devil responds, "No way. We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy!" God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!" The devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"