You laugh, you lose.

Every time I ask someone they say “it’s private.”

I saw it coming from a kilometer away.

He started counting, but after a minute, he fell asleep.

The Taliban requires women to wear masks.

Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

He is currently assembling his cabinet.

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. - How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks - 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around: - Guess I'm swimming then...

There she was in her uniform – straightaway I knew she was a keeper.

and he says "Look son, first you swim full force at the human but at the last second, you turn away. Then you swim at him full force again, but again at the last second you swim away. Then you can go back and eat the human." The son looks confused and asks, "But dad, why can't we just go eat the human the first time?" Dad replies "Well, you can but why would you want to eat him when he's still full of shit?"

He conditioned it.