Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name?
Posted Yesterday at 10:24 pm | Comment
Anna 1 Anna 2 Anna 3 Anna 4
What is it called when an amputee does karate?
Posted January 15, 2018, 07:51 | Comment
Partial arts.
Why aren't color blind people allowed to join the police force?
Posted January 15, 2018, 06:19 | Comment
They wouldn't know who to shoot
I saw 2 guys with matching clothes and asked them if they are gay...
Posted January 15, 2018, 06:18 | Comment
They promptly arrested me.
A guy is driving around the back woods of Montana, and he sees a sign...
Posted January 15, 2018, 06:17 | Comment
...in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale '.
He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there. 'You talk?' he asks. 'Yep,' the Lab replies.
After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says 'So, what's your story?'
The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so... I told the CIA. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.' 'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running... But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.
I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.' 'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. 'Ten dollars,' the guy says. 'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?' 'Because he's a Bullshitter. He's never been out of the yard.
I finally realized my parents favored my twin brother
Posted January 15, 2018, 06:13 | Comment
It hit me when they asked me to blow up balloons for his surprise birthday party.
I spent my whole life being proud of my British heritage
Posted January 11, 2018, 10:00 | Comment
until I found out that my Great Grandfather was actually from Transylvania...
Now I can't even look myself in the mirror.
I bought a box of condoms earlier today
Posted January 08, 2018, 06:30 | Comment
The cashier asked if I'd like a bag. I said nah, I'll just turn the lights off.
Please be careful on the roads on NYE
Posted January 08, 2018, 06:29 | Comment
Lots of people are drinking excessively and having their wives drive
I asked a pretty, young, homeless woman if I could take her home
Posted January 08, 2018, 06:28 | Comment
She said yes with a big smile on her face.
The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box.
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