I’m okay with smoking, alcohol, and marijuana.
But cocaine is where I draw the line.
Posted Thursday, 27th of September 2018 | Source
Did you hear about McDonald's trying to get into the high end steakhouse market?
It was a Big Mcsteak
Posted Wednesday, 26th of September 2018 | Source
People treat me like a god
They ignore my existence until they need something
Posted Monday, 24th of September 2018 | Source
I invented a new golf ball that’ll automatically go in the hole if it gets within four centimeters.
Do NOT carry them in your back pocket.
Posted Thursday, 13th of September 2018 | Source
Why did Thor lose his lightning powers?
Because his father grounded him.
Posted Tuesday, 11th of September 2018 | Source
I built a 1:1000000 model of a German submarine.
It’s a pretty good µ-boat.
Posted Sunday, 9th of September 2018 | Source
Schrodinger took his cat to the vet
The vet said, “I have good news and bad news.”
Posted Thursday, 6th of September 2018 | Source
I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement.
At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'
Posted Wednesday, 5th of September 2018 | Source
I went to the zoo and saw a baguette in the cage
Zookeeper said it was bread in captivity
Posted Monday, 3rd of September 2018 | Source
My wife told me, “If anything happens to me, I want you to meet someone new.”
Apparently, “anything” doesn’t include getting stuck in traffic.
Posted Monday, 3rd of September 2018 | Source
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